My trip to the States was important and meaningful, funny and sad. My brother Mark's illness meant I only saw him twice, on Christmas Day when he and his wife Ann came to our parents' house, and that Sunday when my kids and I went to visit him to watch a Seahawks' game. My parents are obviously having a hard time living alone since Dad's stroke, and so much depends upon Mark being able to make weekly trips out to see them, keep them stocked up with food and other necessities, whatever.
Right now, he can't do it. He went back into hospital on January 11th with serious complications from the pancreatitis. Basically, three "pockets" have formed in his pancreas which collect dead shit, poisoning him. He went septic, suffered internal bleeding, and had to be put into the Critical Care Unit in Virginia Mason Hospital. He survived, and has had several "procedures"; basically, he had two tubes inserted into two of the pockets, which drain the dead shit into bags, and a stent put in the third pocket where the shit drains directly into the small intestine (I think). The stent went in on Jan. 20, and remarkably he was released from hospital on the 21st, stent, tubes, bags and all. Needless to say, he's got his hands full emptying bags, cleaning the tubes, etc. On the plus side, he's home, with an appetite, and has gained back 10 of the 30 lbs. he lost when he first got sick.
He hasn't seen our parents since Christmas Day.
On top of everything else, my son's car bit the dust on his way to SeaTac to pick me up, so on top of everything else, I had to help him find a new car. This wasn't such a terrible task, and I have to admit it feels good that my son still somewhat needs my help. I also volunteered to drive my daughter up to her university at the end of my stay, which was also nice as I got to see her dorm room, meet her suite mate, and visit her local shopping mall.
My daughter and I also made it down to my son's home, met his girlfriend, and the four of us took in Avatar in 3D at his local shopping mall.
I did manage to get my parents and kids over to a dinner at my cousin's house, which was nice. My aunt has been living with them for several years, and it was good for my parents to visit with her again.
Oh, and I did manage to meet a couple of friends in downtown Seattle for lunch on the day we ended up buying my son's new car.
But the main realities were my parents' need, my brother's illness and my distance and isolation from them. There just isn't much I can do here in Japan other than to call several times a week to talk. I think once Mark gets more of his strength back and can get out to see the folks, things will be better, but as I told him today, he needs to put himself as his number one priority. He's pretty down about not being able to do more to help them now, but the truth is he can't.
Neither can I. We just all need to do what we can. It's 2010. Happy New Year.
